I Feel Guilty

I became a father almost a year and a half ago. A first-time father, a first-time parent.

Before our daughter arrived, we consumed everything we could find—books (very few), social media, advice from relatives, conversations with friends and, of course, our doctor.

But no amount of preparation could really prepare us for what came next.

Reality hits differently.

In the beginning, our days revolved around feeding, burping, sleeping—and a baby who could poop 8–10 times a day! As she grew, the challenges changed. Every developmental stage brought something new, and every day felt like a new lesson in parenting.

We realised very early that raising a child isn't a one-person job. There is an old saying that it takes a village to raise a child. In our case, that village became smaller when we moved from Mumbai to Bengaluru. From having family around us, we became primarily a two-person parenting team—my wife and me.

And I genuinely love being part of it.

I want to be an equal parent, not just a "helping hand". I want to be there for the feeding, the playtime, the difficult days, the milestones and all the little things in between.

But somewhere along the way, I started feeling guilty.

Not because I don't spend enough time with my daughter.

But because I get breaks that my wife doesn't.

I can go to the office.

I can sit in my home office and have a few hours that are just mine.

I get travel time—sometimes with nothing more than music and my own thoughts.

I get office parties. I get time with colleagues. I get the occasional evening where I can simply switch off.

And then I come home and get to spend time with my daughter.

Those moments with her are not a burden. They are often the best part of my day.

But I realise that my wife doesn't always get that same reset.

Whatever the day looks like, she is usually still "on". There is no commute that gives her time to herself. No office break. No easy transition between being a parent and simply being herself.

And that's where the guilt comes from.

We are both parents. We both love our daughter. We both get exhausted. But we don't always get the same opportunities to recharge.

I don't think the answer is to feel guilty about the breaks I get.

The answer is to make sure she gets hers too.

So, we are figuring it out together—creating our own little system, giving each other space, and reminding ourselves that being good parents also means taking care of the people doing the parenting.

Because parenting is not a single person job. And each person deserves a break.